Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
