My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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