Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
