The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just high enough for therapy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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