can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
