I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
