What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
