I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
