i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
