I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
