he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
