Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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