i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
