her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
