hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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