8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
