my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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