They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
