I accidentally had phone sex last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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