masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
