Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
