I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
