I wannas sexs uuuuu
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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