Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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