Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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