weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
