Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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