Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
