woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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