The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
