Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
