It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
