I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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