My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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