I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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