she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
