try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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