take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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