He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
