another moral hangover. fuck.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize