The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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