I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
