We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
