In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
