Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
