I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
