we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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