My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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