Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
