Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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