She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
