Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
