When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
