That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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