Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
