I think im going to throw up on grandma
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Come on in and take your pants off
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