apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
