Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
