I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize