just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
