apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
