so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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