my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
