either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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