i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
