dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
