I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
40s are totally the cure
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
