I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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