You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
