we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
