No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
