you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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