my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize