she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
