So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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