dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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