I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
