i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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