You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
