i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
