I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
