im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize